Below is approximately the first two pages of notes I received on my script of Dig Down
Hi Damian – Before we dive in I want you to know that anything that doesn’t make sense in the
notes we can discuss when we do the call, including the Page by Page notes.
GENERAL LOOK:
Overall, the script looks clean but thick. Giving it a quick scan the script looks like the formatting
is correct but you’ve seen some minor mistakes I put in the page by page notes, nothing major.
Another aspect of the look is there are lots of large blocks of text in description and dialogue. It
looks like there are a lot of speeches in here. Some of these need to be broken up to make the
read flow easier. I’ll get to that below and how to do it.
The second thing is that we need to work on your overall story and genre. This is something we
will discuss in this set of notes and on the call but there are really simple ways to elevate your
story and create what we call the Mind Movie. We will also need to discuss the Mind Movie and
use of description which we will get into below.
Overall, the first look and look of the pages is that the script is in pretty good shape. Changes int
he page by page are slight. For the larger issues of story and genre, I think there are simple
solutions to those I found in the read. So that is the good news and there are things to learn
here that will help you bring out the beauty of your story..
TITLE:
The title Dig Down, immediately it makes me think this guy is going to have to dig down deep
into his character to overcome something. However, that doesn’t pay off. I’m curious what it
means for you and we will discuss on the call but in the script I only found it once where it is
referenced. So it’s not one of those titles that pops up in the story and has major meaning or
emotional impact.
So I recommend two lines of action here – 1. We figure out what it means to you and why for
this story. Then we need to figure out how that plays out for the audience and if it resonates. 2.
Consider other titles. The genre here is crime but depending on how you decide to write this –
this could be an insanely great modern noir. It has all the elements but it doesn’t quite click into
place. Right now it is more of a chase movie that would fall under the crime genre. It had
elements of Falling Down and Pulp Fiction but I think the great opportunity here is the modern
noir element.
So for the title we need to consider those two items. However, if you are open to considering a
new title there are a few things to consider. One, it has to be something that makes readers
want to put your script at the top and generate interest. Think of genre pieces like Game of
Thrones. You immediately get it without ever reading anything else. Or the Maltese Falcon – you
get that this is going to be the key McGuffin in the movie. This is the item that drives ever
characters story. Devil in a Blue Dress – it really tells the genre and hints at titles from a certain
time period as does The Black Dahlia. So the title needs to tell genre and give an interesting
hook. OR you could have a title that comes out in the story and is either representative of
theme or a key turning point of the story and realization for the main character.
But overall – the title needs to hook the reader to put your story at the top of their pile.
STRUCTURE:
Structurally speaking the script hits the right points. You have all he major beats.
I am not worried about this macro aspect in your writing. However, there are structural issues of
theme which I discuss below and scenes which could escalate stronger. These are discussed in
character and theme and conflict sections.
The one thing I want to discuss as part of structure is the ending.
The end fell flat for me and I think that there is a great opportunity here that you are missing
out on. We should discuss this over the call though.
But I will say this – if we think of Ruth coming in and killing him – what was it all for? I’m not
saying he should escape. But why her? Why is she the one? Think on that and let’s discuss on
the call.
I normally don’t do this. I would normally explain my thoughts here but much of what I see in
the other sections lead up to this and I would prefer you read those sections and see how you
feel about it before we discuss the ending as all those things may influence your thoughts on it.
So read everything else first and then we will discuss the ending. These calls are usually quite
long so make sure you have the time blocked and we will get through everything